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Dr. Michael Radkowsky, Psychologist, Washington DC

Dr. Michael Radkowsky, Licensed Psychologist, Washington DC

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202-234-3278
michael@michaelradkowsky.com

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Speaking Up: Cons and Pros

March 5, 2017 by Dr. Michael Radkowsky

Communication: Is it worth speaking up about an important issue when it may negatively affect your relationship? If you don't, you have much to lose.

In my practice, the issue people complain about most is communication.

Do you ever choose to shut down, rather than pursuing an important conversation with someone whom you care about? Most of us do, from time to time. Why do we make this choice?

I can think of several reasons:

  • You may fear that if you say what you really feel, you will have a fight.
  • You may not want to push things too far, out of fear that you may endanger the relationship.
  • You may be afraid to hear what the other person really feels. For instance, sometimes we don’t want to know that a person who is important to us feels very differently than we do.
  • If you start talking about an important matter, you may be forced to acknowledge your bottom line, to the other person and to yourself. Taking a stand can be scary, especially if doing so means that things have to change.
  • Letting the other person know you better can feel uncomfortable, for many reasons.

There is a delicate balance here. It doesn’t always make sense to speak up, especially in haste.

But when you find yourself avoiding communication about important issues, you may want to consider the benefits of moving toward the other person, rather backing away.

These can include:

  • Getting unstuck. When you address a sticky issue, there is the possibility of resolution or change.
  • Revealing more of yourself: Having someone understand you can feel good.
  • The prospect of learning more about the other person, thereby deepening intimacy.

Talking about a difficult issue can be a challenge. You need to be able to soothe yourself when you get scared or angry, because fear and anger make it hard to speak and listen thoughtfully.

Do you want to address tough issues with someone you care about, but are scared to move toward that person?  I’ll be glad to help you develop the skills to calm yourself enough to act in a way that you respect.

Category: Relationship AdviceTag: communication

About Dr. Michael Radkowsky

I’m a Washington DC psychologist providing individual and couples therapy to gay and straight folks. I also write the Washington Blade advice column. My blog, The Personal Growth Toolbox, provides strategies for healthy, strong relationships with significant others and with yourself.

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Dr. Michael Radkowsky,
Licensed Psychologist

(202) 234-3278
michael@michaelradkowsky.com

3000 Connecticut Avenue NW
Suite 439
Washington, DC 20008

Helping Individuals and Couples since 1995

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Michael's advice column in the Washington Blade

Read Michael’s advice column in the Washington Blade.

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