Why do many of us sometimes enjoy feeling that we have been wronged?
Almost no-one takes pleasure in being hurt, cheated, or scammed outright. Yet, it can feel satisfying to be the “injured party” when someone close doesn’t treat us as we would like. Is this feeling familiar to you?
Here are some possible benefits to being a “victim”:
- You can feel that you have the moral high ground
- You can attribute your unhappiness to someone else
- You can feel sorry for yourself, which may allow you to treat yourself better than you usually do
- You don’t have to examine your own behavior, or make any changes in how you conduct yourself, because you haven’t done anything wrong
- You don’t have to take any difficult or challenging action to improve the situation, because what happened is not at all your fault.
And of course, being in this position may be comfortable simply because it is an old and familiar pattern in your life.
There are, however, some significant drawbacks to accepting the role of victim:
- You are allowing yourself to be helpless
- You are stepping out of the driver’s seat in your life
- You are letting someone else’s behavior determine how you feel
- You are blaming someone you may care about
- You are bringing resentment and anger into your relationships
- If you don’t challenge yourself to consider your part in what happened, you are setting yourself up to be “wronged” again and again.
Interested in stepping out of the role of victim?
Your first step is to start paying attention your own role in how your life proceeds.
This is difficult to do alone. For many reasons, it is much easier to see other people’s faults, than it is to explore what you are contributing to a bad situation.
If you’d like a hand in evaluating and changing the way you are positioning yourself, feel free to reach out to me. I’ll be glad to help you figure out what steps you can take toward an empowered life.
